Mortified Beyond Belief

Hey people, it sure has been a while! My Dj Career only lasted for my sister's wedding. It sure was fun being unemployed for almost a year! I got my job back though, and now I am tired all the time again. Oh well, I still have the memories of all the movies I watched on Amazon Prime during that time. I decided to revisit them in this rating system I came up with. Purge : Makes me want to vomit. I may watch these in front of my girlfriend to get revenge on her for watching Sex in the City . Binge : An unconventionally good movie. A movie that is so bad it's good, may remove me from my current mind structure of thinking for a while, and may make me want to binge watch, possibly while binge eating candy and Swiss cake Rolls I bought from the Dollar Tree . A + Classic : A movie that is a complete essential classic! If you haven't seen it before, you should watch it on a Friday night with someone! These may be movies that were on HBO when I was a kid (when we had it) and ...

Do you guys ever wonder how I have so much time to practice the guitar and bass, to write these blogs, and to record rants on youtube? It's because I have chosen a new independent lifestyle of working for myself! I decided a few months ago that it was time to change my identity, from a hard working warehouse worker, into something a lot more free-spirited and laid back! Introducing........ DJ FOUL PLAY! Do you need someone to play some cool 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and 2000's hits at your wedding? Finally got that GED? What about your graduation party? DJ FOUL PLAY IS ALL ABOUT THE TIMELESS HITS....NO JUSTIN BEIBER OR TAYLOR SWIFT ALOWED!  I had the brilliant idea when my oldest sister needed someone to DJ her wedding. I went out, bought a plastic folding table at Wal-Mart, and set up quite a sound system from a bunch of stuff I already had from years of being a failed musician! I read on the internet, that a lot of DJs charge 100 dollars an hour? WHAT kind of mo...

Did you know that 002 has gotten up to 40 likes since starting our Facebook page? Pete and I are really accumulating a decent sized fan base.  In fact, we have a number one fan, you may have heard of her!

Visit my blog to find out what my favorite movie is! Also you never know what else I might say. You can find out about my personal life and my band, 002! Drumrolll..... Drumroll... Drumroll... CRASH!!!!! My favorite movie of all time is a movie called  Demon Wind , a horror movie released in 1990. Here's the trailer! I won't give away too much about it, because its on youtube for free right now! Watch it alone, or with a loved one late at night. Better yet, watch it with a date! The old man in the movie is great. Unfortunately, the version on youtube without the Spanish subtitles has an important monologue of his with pretty poor audio.  That is one of my favorite parts.  (the movie is in English, don't worry you don't have to read to watch this) If I were you, I would watch the one without the subtitles, then switch to the subtitled version for the monologue. Here's what he's saying, which you can kind of hear in the un-...

Pete and I spent 5 days recording the   002  set list last week. We used a multitrack recorder called the Tascam DP-32SD, which allows us to record 8 microphones at a time onto an SD card, and mix the tracks afterward. We decided it was very important to stay true to how we sound live, so the bass and guitar were recorded at the same time onto different tracks. What you will hear it the true sound of the double guitar, and is very close to what we sound like live. We have a few hours of recordings, which I mixed down 3 songs from, 2 of which were really us testing the mics. Horror of the Bells  is an improvised track we created when I quickly hit record after getting all of our mics in place for the day. It sounded like bells to me when I mixed it, hence the title. Monster Beat  is a track we recorded when I noted that Pete was playing a particularly hot double bass drum beat when he was warming up. I captured what he was playing so he could replicate ...

 Being a rockstar is a very stressful career. I NEED THINGS TO BE RIGHT BEFORE I PERFORM! IF YOU WANT ME TO PLAY A GOOD SHOW, YOU MUST HAVE AT LEAST ONE OF THE FOLLOWING FOR ME BACKSTAGE AT A GIG: ONE ITEM FROM THIS LIST--- (FOOD) BOX OF SWISS CAKE ROLLS (ALDI BRAND OR NAME BRAND) ICE CREAM SANDWICHES 1 5LB BAG OF MOZZERELLA CHEESE (PRIMO GUSTO BRAND) TORTILLA CHIPS POTATOE CHIPS (ALDI BRAND) CAN OF BLACK OLIVES (ANY BRAND) COUNTRY STYLE SAUSAGE GRAVY (GFS BRAND) ONE ITEM FROM THIS LIST---(BEVERAGES) 2 LITER OF DIET COKE 2 LITER OF DIET MT DEW LIQUID BUTTER ALTERNATIVE (GFS BRAND) 2 16 OZ CANS OF DIET RIPP IT ENERGY DRINK ONE ITEM FROM THIS LIST (READING MATERIAL) US WEEKLY MAGAZINE PEOPLE MAGAZINE MUSICIAN'S FRIEND CATOLOG  SWEETWATER CATOLOG CURRENT ALDI FLYER HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE This is an acceptable combination of items (example): TORTILLA CHIPS, DIET COKE, CURRENT ALDI FLYER YOU MUST HA...

Hello people! I took a long break from writing blogs, but now I am here to inform everyone what is going on with our next gig! We are playing the Hamtramck Korner Bar on August 25th, which is a Friday, so we are hopeful that we can bring out some of our fans! I know we have fans, but they are somewhat scattered throughout the state.  We have some good acts playing with us! I was very impressed by  Chosen by Fate  when we played with them on July 29th, for Indiefest 2017. I especially liked a Pink Floyd song they did with a steel guitar that was all processed to sound psychedelic. All 3 of the guys in this band are really solid players, and the above recordings sadly don't do them justice! I approached them this week about completing our bill that had 3 acts so far, and I am very glad they committed to being the 4th! Jeremy Radke, who I saw play at the Phoenix Cafe' will be playing with us as well. His playing was improvisational, and I made a mental note at the...

We have a show coming up next week on Friday July 29th at the Ralston/indiefest 2017.  Then, I swindled the Korner Bar in Hamtramck into giving me August 26th to book us and other bands on! So far we have us, and Radke on the bill. I ran into a guy name Jeremy Radke when playing at the Phoenix Cafe'. Pete and I thought his improvisational bluesy sound would go good with ours, so we asked if if felt like bringing his band with him on the 26th! We are still looking for a 3rd act, for this show, which will be announced as soon as we find out who is available! (who is desperate enough to play with us two fellas) We don't have any shows booked for most of August. Next week's show will be our last until the 26th. We hope to record our music during this time, and shoot a video. I'm not making any promises yet! The more we play, the better we sound, so why not delay recording as long as possible? Well, hopefully we find a 3rd band who is willing to play with us! We...

Hello people! Saturday night's show at the New Dodge was one of the better attended shows we have played this summer! We weren't able to get a cd from the mixer board, which was a bummer, but at least I saved money by not having to pay for it. We were scheduled to play the Maidstone Theatre in Ypsilanti on Friday next week, but decided to drop the show, because the bill has changed a few times, and now there are 6 bands, and yesterday I saw they wanted us to play a 7pm, which is kind of a joke for a bar type of gig. I don't like dropping shows, but playing at 7pm would involve us driving through rush hour traffic, in Pete's Chevy suburban which probably get 10 miles to the gallon! Then we would probably play for 3 people, then the emo-hardcore bands would play, and I would have to feign interest out of politeness and have flash backs to when my high school band used to open for the same type of acts. Instead we will probably drag out the mixing board, mics,...

Hey guys, do you ever feel the need to satisfy that sweet tooth but your favorite donut store is closed? Yesterday I ran out of swiss cake rolls, and I wasn't about to drive all the way to the grocery store to get some! Luckily I was prepared, and had a few essential items in my emergency food reserve. Here is a delicious version of a dump cake, inspired by Kathy Mitchell! Savory Dump Dog Recipe 1 box chocolate cake mix 1 can of diet Vernors 1 package of hot dogs 1/4 cup of mustard 1 tsp cinnamon 3 cups vegetable oil First, take those hot dogs and chop 'em up into little coins. Every hot dog will make about 10 coin shaped pieces. This will give ya about 80 savory hotdog pieces for your dump cake. Take these coin shaped pieces, and soak them in the 3 cups of vegetable oil ! Now, combine the chocolate cake mix, 1/4 cup of mustard, 1 tsp of cinnamon in a large mixing bowl. Whisk all the ingredients together briskly! Now, take your vegetable oil and h...

Pete and I are really booked up for the next few weeks with our band  002 ! Here is a list of our upcoming shows. July 15th--- The New Dodge Lounge, Hamtramck with the Dirty News and Perfect Number:  Event Page for Show at New Dodge July 21st--- the Maidstone Theatre, Ypsilanti (more details coming soon) July 29th--- Indiefest 2017 (Friday @ 2pm) @ the Ralston/Stone House W state Fairgrounds (Detroit):  Event Page For Indiefest 2017 We are doing our best to promote these shows! We are a supporting act on each one, so we have to leave some of the decisions regarding event pages and set times to other people. It is my belief that it is important to start promoting weeks in advance. It makes me nervous when I have to wait for details and the event page has 2 people going! I hate nagging at people. Well, after these shows, we will have completed 9 gigs! We need more shows for August! I have contacted several venues on my own, explaining to the...

So here I am, on the computer late at night trying to find someone willing to shoot some video for me at our gig on Saturday at the New Dodge. I email a gentleman I have worked with before, then realize there is a good chance he will be out of town this Saturday. I head to craigslist, and in the creative services section, click on a few videographer ads--- but most of them seem too expensive. Then I come across this ad: Ripe As A Peach Used Panties Well, I've been trying to shed a few pounds. Maybe reading this will make me not want to eat for a while. I have a hard time not eating ice cream and pizza. A couple of years ago, the Ill Itches got a live sound recording off of the main mixing board at the New Dodge for 20 bucks. I hope they still provide this service. If I can find someone to take some video of our set, I can add the audio on top of it! Oh well. Maybe I can sell some of my dirty socks and hire someone good! --Matt

Indie Fest is a festival that is happening in Detroit on July 29th! It's really only a couple of weeks  away! There are A TON of acts on this bill. This morning I took some time to listen to some of the acts we will be playing with. I didn't get through all of them, but here are some links and my impressions of them! BAVE -- When I clicked the first song, the drums immediately caught my attention! Drummer David Thoel plays extremely fast with a lot of prescision. BAVE is a progressive rock duo based in Detroit. They describe their music as anxiety ridden, I get the metaphor, I hear a lot of tension in the music. I have the impression that this group is strictly instrumental. Ben Zaporski is no slouch on guitar either. He uses more chords in one song than I can manage in an entire set list! Meat Fever-- by BAVE Brother Son --- This band has a vintage vibe on the guitars, with lyrics that are sweetly sung over them. Their song  Magical , has a really lush use of w...

Do you ever feel like people just don't get you? Maybe you have tried many different things to fit in, time after time resulting in rejection. My life was heading down the wrong path. I was addicted to pornography, I bought too many guitars. I stole garbage bags of donuts when I worked at the donut shop. It wasn't until Moondog came into my heart that I realized my ultimate purpose. Each and every day I praise him by caressing his soft fur, offering him a tithe of 10 percent of whatever I eat. Moondog has room for many more disciples. Moondog Disciples is a collective of believers in the power of Moondog. The Mystic Moondog way is an essential part of living right, leaving your addictions, learning to finally love yourself by the example of Moondog's Omnipresent everlasting love. Come Join Me, High Wizard of the of the Moondog Disciples. Services start Soon.

Our show at the Phoenix Cafe' was a success! Well, at least in our own fragile minds! The place had a fairly decent PA system, but what intrigued me most was the stash of cool vintage equipment they had laying around! The cafe' also serves as a show place for many visual artist's work! It is unbelievable how much talent there is out there. These are only a few of the pieces of art they had for sale. They had a lot of quality drawings, paintings, and charcoal works. The people that showed up for the open mic all sounded good! I wish I would have snapped more photos of the performers that played! We got a couple leads on gigs last night as well. We haven't finalized them yet, but we will announce them once we know for sure! Our next gig is this weekend, in Dryden Michigan. We are playing a private party, and Pete said there will be a lot of bikers there. I'll make sure to wear m y Lance Armstrong outfit!

We have the most beautiful Guitar Straps in the world for sale! They are made of TWO materials. The outside is rugged upholstery grade leather, and the inside is extra soft suede! These straps are extra wide, and come in several different lengths. Have you experienced what it's like to have a strap that has so extraneous parts to cut into your shoulder? I can testify, that if it wasn't for these straps, I may not be able to put up with the weight of my 20 lb double guitar! We will be selling these at our gig on Wednesday, July 5th! Double sided/stitched--- $30 Single sided/non stitched--- $10

Do you ever get invitations from your friend's new bands to "like" their page on Facebook, but they don't have a single note of music on their page, and you have never heard them before? This has happened to me many times. I feel like it somewhat devalues anyone who may genuinely like a page, and I feel like the band is asking for obligatory likes from friends and family. I don't mind helping my friend's bands out, but you can understand the internal conflict, right? One good reason to "like" a band, is if you saw them live and were impressed enough to find them. I have been building a page for Pete and I's group, 002. We haven't invited anyone to like us, because we don't have any music recorded yet. It is somewhat of a rock in a hard place. I feel like we need to use the page to promote ourselves for upcoming gigs, but I don't want to make my rounds for pity likes from all of my friends. https://www.facebook.com/doublez...

I am sure Deepak Chopra would agree that laughter is good medicine for the soul. Here is one way to get a good dose of soul sustaining medicine at your next band practice. Go to Wal-Mart. Find the cash register where the store sells cigarettes and liquor, and buy a 5th of Jack Daniels Tennessee whiskey. Next, go to Tim Horton's and order a large double double. Drink this coffee as fast as you can. When you feel the urge to use the bathroom, take the bottle of whiskey in with you.  Dump the contents of the bottle down the drain or the toilet. You can now proceed to fill the bottle up with your own urine. Don't forget, it is very important to allow the bottle to reach room temperature, or simply let the bottle chill in the freezer for an hour or so before it's time to jam! Now casually sip the bottle of frosty chilled urine in front of your band members. This may not seem very appealing, but this is good practice in case you are ever trapped in the desert and nee...

When I had just graduated high school, I was still working my job at a grocery store. I made enough money to go guitar shopping. I used to drive from rural Lenawee county to Toledo OH to get to Guitar Center. One day I heard a radio ad for a Guitar Center Labor Day Sale on September 5th, 2005. At this point in my life, Guitar Center was something I had only recently discovered. This ad was extra special... the loud demanding voice on the radio ad claimed Guitar Center was going to be selling guitars for just $1! The night before the sale, I drove down to the Guitar Center and arrived at about 10:30 pm. I began waiting at the front door of the business. I remember texting some of my friends from the grocery store I worked at, they ended up joining me about an hour later. Then, two other small town guys that went to my high school showed up randomly. The first 6 or 7 people in line, (me being first of course) were all from Lenawee county! I thought this was sort of funny because we a...

Pete and I decided it was time for me to start singing to the free-form jams we have been creating. They are loose-- but still somewhat structured, and we decided that we have about 8 themes different enough from each other to be considered separate songs. One major obstacle to me singing, besides managing the double guitar and my limited abilities in verbal articulation, was our lack of a reasonable PA system. I have owned a larger PA system for years, but it is way too large and heavy to move. Each of these speakers weigh 160 pounds! I was searching for a set of smaller speakers to use with my existing PA head, but instead I found this Stages S460 complete PA system while searching Guitar Center used gear online. It was only 60 dollars, and came with two speakers. I had to drive to Canton MI to get it, but decided I was willing to investigate it for that ridiculously low amount of money. What I found was that this 60 Dollar, 60 watt system, sounded great with a Shure SM58! We h...