Mortified Beyond Belief

Many guitar players experience a sensation stemming from an intense desire to play guitar called finger erections . Their fingers may become stiff, or move rapidly in what appear to be uncontrollable fidgets.   A Stanford psychologist coined the term finger erections , after she noticed how awkwardly several of her ex-boyfriends who played guitar behaved in social situations.  Arcing of the fingers perpendicular to their match on each hand aggressively,  is a sure tell-tale sign that a person is experiencing finger erections on one or both hands. Fluttering of the fingers in this position is a trait of a serious condition called Digital Erectile Syndrome.  Only a licensed psychologist or medical doctor may diagnose the condition, but side effects include not connecting socially with others, an agitated appearance, or an uncontrollable desire to buy guitars. Do you think you may have Digital Erectile Syndrome? Don't delay in scheduling an appointment with your phys

I am now taking a break from writing funny, brilliant, masterpiece blogs to inform everybody that I am looking for guitars to buy. Don't take your vintage, rare, and or name brand guitars to the pawnshop, they sometimes only offer as little as 20 percent. Guitar Center usually offers about 40 percent on their low retail price.  You could try craigslist, but take it from my experience, you can often wait months or years to see your vintage or high end guitar sell. The fact is, even at a reasonable price, you are dealing with regular people, and most people don't have 1000 + dollars to spend on an instrument. I am starting to believe that most guitars are being bought on credit these days. I am a collector, I am not trying to flip anything. However, I can only buy stuff if the deal is really good. The disadvantage to selling to me is that you may not get everything that it is worth. The advantage is that I will offer you cash right away, and you wont have to deal wit

The cherished image of jolly St. Nick, the iconic cackle of Roseanne Barr , and the lovable demeanor of the late John Candy have all contributed to what many in today's society call a stereotype of fat people being "jolly". New scientific evidence suggests that these people, and the majority of most overweight people, are in fact in possession of a jolly demeanor. But this evidence also suggests, that an overweight person is more likely to lose his or her temper over the slightest disturbance, if they have gone more than 45 minutes without eating. This explains why the "fat-people-jolly" stereotype has been in dispute for the last two decades. It was also noted that disputes involving an overweight person's food were 32% more likely to end in threats of extreme violence.  One test subject, Jimmy L., threatened to kill his wife after she overcooked his steak.  Another test subject strangled his college room-mate, when he found someone had add

In this day and age, navigating the world of dating may seem daunting and confusing to the newly single man. Many men have questions about what the mores and social norms of texting, online dating and social media are in this relatively new digital age.  There are however some time-tested and proven ways to make the most out of any new dating situation. Gaining sympathy can often lead to an emotional moment, which often leads to sex. Sex often puts your foot in the door to the beginning of a new long-term relationship.  One sure-fire way to gain sympathy with a potential partner is to feign the loss of a beloved pet. Search garage sales, thrift shops. and discount stores for an inexpensive feeding dish to put in a conspicuous place in your home or apartment. When your date notices the dish, and asks if you have a dog or a cat, that will be your time to confide to her your pre-rehearsed story of how your pet died.  If you happen to be low on money, you can even embellish yo

This morning I had a reader email me an interesting question, which was spawned by remarks made by Donald Trump while in conversation with former "Access" co-host Billy Bush back in 2005. "Is it ever ok to grab a woman by the pussy?----I am a little confused because Donald Trump is such a successful business man and he said he grabbed womens pussies all the time. I am really starting to wonder if maybe I have been going about the dating scene the wrong way. It's been 4 years since I had a date, and that was with someone from ok Cupid, who turned out to be a guy. I'm just so confused" --- Brandon C. Grabbing a woman by the pussy is only OK when you are the base during a "split-lift" or "teddy sit" during a cheerleading stunt. This method of support should only be used as a last resort. Most of the time, you should support the team mate being lifted by holding on to his or her buttocks.  If your hand makes vaginal contact, prom

Many men are now becoming aware of the relatively new man-boob fetish that is becoming popular among liberated women. It is almost unthinkable that in as little as a decade ago, having man-boobs was considered a shameful condition. Now, such popular sex symbols as Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzeneggar are paving the way, and regular guys need not feel ashamed of their dirty man pillows. The most important step in making your man-boobs look bigger is to start standing up straight, with your shoulders pulled back. After you have mastered the art of good posture, your next step will be to go shopping for tighter shirts.  *Don't ignore the young adult/boy's section if the regular small isn't tight enough. There are many bargains to be had in this section that is often passed with indifference by most men. The 3rd step in accentuating your man-cleavage is to draw attention to the area with a manly looking pennant, cross, or trinket on a chain to dangle betwee