Mortified Beyond Belief

Do you ever get invitations from your friend's new bands to "like" their page on Facebook, but they don't have a single note of music on their page, and you have never heard them before? This has happened to me many times. I feel like it somewhat devalues anyone who may genuinely like a page, and I feel like the band is asking for obligatory likes from friends and family. I don't mind helping my friend's bands out, but you can understand the internal conflict, right? One good reason to "like" a band, is if you saw them live and were impressed enough to find them. I have been building a page for Pete and I's group, 002. We haven't invited anyone to like us, because we don't have any music recorded yet. It is somewhat of a rock in a hard place. I feel like we need to use the page to promote ourselves for upcoming gigs, but I don't want to make my rounds for pity likes from all of my friends. https://www.facebook.com/doublez...

I am sure Deepak Chopra would agree that laughter is good medicine for the soul. Here is one way to get a good dose of soul sustaining medicine at your next band practice. Go to Wal-Mart. Find the cash register where the store sells cigarettes and liquor, and buy a 5th of Jack Daniels Tennessee whiskey. Next, go to Tim Horton's and order a large double double. Drink this coffee as fast as you can. When you feel the urge to use the bathroom, take the bottle of whiskey in with you.  Dump the contents of the bottle down the drain or the toilet. You can now proceed to fill the bottle up with your own urine. Don't forget, it is very important to allow the bottle to reach room temperature, or simply let the bottle chill in the freezer for an hour or so before it's time to jam! Now casually sip the bottle of frosty chilled urine in front of your band members. This may not seem very appealing, but this is good practice in case you are ever trapped in the desert and nee...

When I had just graduated high school, I was still working my job at a grocery store. I made enough money to go guitar shopping. I used to drive from rural Lenawee county to Toledo OH to get to Guitar Center. One day I heard a radio ad for a Guitar Center Labor Day Sale on September 5th, 2005. At this point in my life, Guitar Center was something I had only recently discovered. This ad was extra special... the loud demanding voice on the radio ad claimed Guitar Center was going to be selling guitars for just $1! The night before the sale, I drove down to the Guitar Center and arrived at about 10:30 pm. I began waiting at the front door of the business. I remember texting some of my friends from the grocery store I worked at, they ended up joining me about an hour later. Then, two other small town guys that went to my high school showed up randomly. The first 6 or 7 people in line, (me being first of course) were all from Lenawee county! I thought this was sort of funny because we a...

Pete and I decided it was time for me to start singing to the free-form jams we have been creating. They are loose-- but still somewhat structured, and we decided that we have about 8 themes different enough from each other to be considered separate songs. One major obstacle to me singing, besides managing the double guitar and my limited abilities in verbal articulation, was our lack of a reasonable PA system. I have owned a larger PA system for years, but it is way too large and heavy to move. Each of these speakers weigh 160 pounds! I was searching for a set of smaller speakers to use with my existing PA head, but instead I found this Stages S460 complete PA system while searching Guitar Center used gear online. It was only 60 dollars, and came with two speakers. I had to drive to Canton MI to get it, but decided I was willing to investigate it for that ridiculously low amount of money. What I found was that this 60 Dollar, 60 watt system, sounded great with a Shure SM58! We h...

Stephen King has always been a sure bet on my reading radar! I also enjoy many film and television adaptations of his work. When I recently found this 2014 book in the bargain book section, I decided it was worth the 7.00 for the hardcover edition. Revival  follows the life of a rock guitarist growing up in the 60's, to his coming of age in the 1980's, and his life in current times. The plot is centered around his lifelong relationship with a disgraced preacher from his childhood home in New England. The preacher is excommunicated from his congregation, following a sermon where he blasphemes the name of God due to his bitterness from a tragic loss in his life. (I am trying not to give too much away!) The preacher ends up devoting his life to a modern form of alchemy, and learns to summon massive amounts of energy through electronic experiments that have the ability to cure many diseases. What is the catch? You will find out once reading the book, but I can tell you this nov...

Today I am bored, so I decided to write about what my effects setup is for the double guitar! My pedal board is made from a piece of old particle board shelving with holes drilled throughout. I attach the pedals with zip ties through these holes. I have access to 2 effects chains on this board. I used to run these simultaneously to 2 separate amps for a blended sound when I was playing just guitar. I used the switch box to split the signal, but now I don't use it anymore because I am just hooking up one chain to the guitar, and one to the bass. The guitar simply goes to the Cry Baby wah, then into the mysterious looking black plastic multi-effects unit. The label fell off many years ago. I originally got that pedal for Christmas in 1999. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world when I was 13! The pedal is a KORG Toneworks ax1g. This one has some special effects settings I programmed into it. Most of the buttons don't work any more, and I don't have the ...

Pete and I had the chance to be a part of Make Music Day- Detroit 2017. We found out about the festival 2 weeks ago, so we signed up, but most of the spots had been taken. We submitted ourselves, but didn't hear anything about it in our emails, or phones. I heard we were playing when I opened a mass email the morning of the festival, reminding performers to check their "Gig Profiles".  I did, and subsequently found out we were confirmed to play at 2 different times and places during the festival. Unfortunately, these times were not the best slots, but we talked about it that morning and decided we were obliged to play both times since we had signed up. Both places were pretty much empty. The first gig was at the Old Miami at 1pm on an  outdoor stage. My amps weren't miked up and I had some tuning issues. The second gig was in Hamtramck at a dance studio, we had better acoustics there, but my kapo broke on the second song, and I broke a bass string on the 3rd! ...

Is that Les Paul giving you a backache? What about that Fender Stratocaster you bought back in the 70's? Here are several steps to make that old guitar feel lighter! 1. First, you will need to head up to your local Guitar Center. Ignore the guy who asks you if you need any help. If you read my blog, you should never need that guy's help! 2. Once you are inside the store, find the section where they sell used amps. Guitar Center gets used amps in all the time, the selection is always changing. If you find anything by Line 6, you should buy it. These amps have an awful reputation, and are now selling for about a quarter of what they cost new! 3. Now, repeat step two every week or so. Other brands to watch out for are Crate, Bugera, and Peavey. You will want to buy as many cheap amps as you can! Buy as many big ones as possible! 4. When your band has finally booked a gig, make sure you borrow a truck or van from someone. You will need the space for transporting your coll...

Pete and I had a blast at our first gig this weekend! The gig was at someone's barn party. It was so nice getting out of Detroit, the people were so kind. We had a very good reception from the people who were there. There were quite a few people watching, and at least 5 people taking cell phone videos of us playing! Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any of the videos. We played for complete strangers, so even though they said they were putting them on facebook, I can't find them. We will have to make a band page soon! Pete and I are calling our band 002 for now! I know it's confusing, but it is supposed to be like 007 in the James Bond films. I hope we find a better name eventually, but Pete is really the one in charge. Oh well. I hate all this pressure to conform and be like everyone else. I don't mind the band being a secret for a while! You got any low key gigs for us? Well, hit me up! We love exposing ourselves! We don't mind setting up ...

The double guitar started it's life as a six string Lotus brand Stratocaster copy and an Ibanez Gio 5 string bass. I acquired the blue six string version of the Lotus guitar about 3 years ago from an ad on Craigslist for 35 dollars. It had no strings on it, and was missing a volume knob that had broken off. When I strung the guitar up, I realized that it played extremely fast with low action, and no fret buzzing. The neck radius on this guitar is almost completely flat! The pickups are extremely bright with tons of treble. I read that most people online don't like these pickups. I do notice they are prone to microphonic feedback when I am running them through an effects chain with lots of distortion. However, this guitar is my favorite when I am running it through a tube amp cranked up all the way with tons of reverb and no distortion. I recorded a batch of songs with this guitar that have yet to be put out. I chose this guitar for my double guitar because it was the cheape...

It has come to my attention that many of my readers may be dealing with issues concerning paranormal experiences. Feelings of fear and dread are often the side effects  of having a demonic spirit manifestation. Here is one easy way to rid your home or apartment of any ghost or demonic spirit that maybe be stalking you from time to time: 1. The first step is to find your local phone book, or pull up a google search engine page. You will want to look up the nearest well stocked video rental store in your area. Once you find one that is still in business, you will want to travel there alone, without your wife or significant other. 2. Once you are at the video store, you will want to discreetly make your way to the back aisles to where they store adult movies. They are often concealed by dividing walls to shield the eyes of more conservative patrons and their children. 3. Browse the adult section and find 3 titles that interest you. Commit to renting these titles. You may ...