How to Get an Erection in an Emergency-- by Matthew T. Mruzek

Go to Wal-Mart, check to see if the gallon bottles of Ocean Spray cranberry juice are on sale. If they are, buy one and take it to a place where you have privacy. 

Once you have privacy, drink the entire bottle or dump the entire contents into another bottle (or bottles) to remove the juice from its original container.

Once the bottle has been emptied, take a sharp serrated knife and cut a .5 x 2 inch slice on the bottom of the bottle. Slide your limp penis into the original opening of the Ocean Spray bottle, and abduct your abdominal muscles in order to place your lips over the opening of .5 x 2 inch slice you made in the bottle. Now, use the muscles in your oral cavity and diaphragm to create suction inside the bottle as it tightens against your pubic mound.

You should have a firm penis in no more than 3 minutes of this. Use your saliva as lubrication if you have trouble removing the bottle.--

Matthew T. Mruzek M. D

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